It has been really interesting to read a couple of posts on James Petticrew’s and Anne Jackson’s blogs about hugging, friendship, and emotional affairs in relation to Christians and the church. It has got me thinking and I thought I’d post of few related thoughts of my own. Clearly the church is meant to be a genuine, authentic, and loving community, but what should that look like and how can it remain healthy?

The stats show us that sexual sin is as prevalent in the church as it is in the world. Pretty much as many marriages fall apart in the church as in the world too. You may be wondering how that links with hugging, friendship, and emotional affairs, but the truth is that all too often it can be these things, when not kept within healthy boundaries, that lead into that dangerous ground.

I think it is always worth remembering that anything good will always be attacked. Sex is the prime example of this. But God has very much been bringing community to the forefront of the church’s thinking, and so we shouldn’t be surprised that it is being targeted. I think the church needs to give some serious thought to how to go about building healthy community and thinking through appropriate and inappropriate expressions of love and friendship.

It is worth remembering that the church is meant to be a family and, as a family, love and affection should be an appropriate part of doing life together. But how can we do that without causing one another to stumble?

Let’s start with hugging. First off, I think hugging is a good thing! We should be expressive in being a loving community. But I don’t think that means we need to hug anyone and everyone every time we see them. Like with so many things in life, too much of something makes it far less meaningful. And, as a result, it often leaves us always wanting more. This is why we need to use real wisdom in this whole area when it comes to the opposite sex. Long, full on hugs with the opposite sex, is clearly not going to fit into the wise category. Male body held close to female body equals trouble! (Unless of course they’re your spouse!) At the same time I think short or side hugs is a good thing in appropriate measures. But I do think we need to seek to keep hugging as something special and that we don’t lessen the power of a hug through over kill.

What about friendship between the sexes? As with hugging, friendship is clearly a good thing and our churches should be filled with people who have real friendships with each other (and not just people we sit next to each other for an hour or two on a Sunday). When it comes to friendships with the opposite sex though we do need to use wisdom and make sure we are always avoiding temptation. As a married person in particular, there are clearly levels of friendship with women which are inappropriate. For me personally, I try to avoid spending one-on-one time with anyone other than Rachel. Time spent with female friends is usually always with Rachel around or in a group context. I think that this serves two purposes really: protecting myself and also avoiding even the appearance of anything inappropriate.

I know that reading this some might think that this is all going a bit far (including myself rereading what I’ve written!) but isn’t maintaining integrity more important than anything else? Isn’t it better to veer towards the side of caution?

What do you think?

S.

PS I’ll save some thoughts on emotional affairs for another post.

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